***********************************

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?

A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions:
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who
supported Atlas?

His wife.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

How to Handle Stress

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool
mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called
"the world."

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person
whose head you're holding under the water.

There now......feeling better?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An almost hysterical man calls 911 and yells,
"Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her
labor started now, it's really intense!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.

"No you dumbass! It's her husband!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave.
The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball
in my mouth so he could get a closer shave
around my cheeks.

I asked: "But what if I swallow the ball?"

He replied: "No problem sir, you just bring
it back tomorrow like everybody else."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at
school we learned how to count. Well, all the
other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me:
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.

"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde."
The mom says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school
and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the
alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as
D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's
good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.

"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde."
The mom says.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries:
"Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the
other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She
proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy.

"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"No darling, it's because you're 25."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A dog walks into a Saloon, with a bandage on his
leg. He stops and announces...

"I'm looking for guy who shot my paw!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

My daughter had absentmindedly left her sneakers
on our kitchen table. "That's disgusting," my
husband grumbled. "Doesn't she realize we eat off
that table?" Then he went out back to work on the
car.

I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery
shopping. When I came home I couldn't set my bags
down anywhere. Sitting in the middle of the
kitchen table was a car muffler.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some
peanuts. He's happy to take some. He asks her
after a while why she isn't having any herself.

"Oh, young man," she says, "they're too hard on
my poor teeth, I couldn't."

"Why did you buy them at all then?"
wonders the driver.

"You see,
I just love the chocolate they're covered in!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, and
I had a likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out
of high school. The importance of proofreading the
results of my dictation was highlighted one day
when a reminder to a client's tenant to pay her
rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as
follows: "You are hereby notified that if payment
is not received within five business days, I will
have no choice but to commence execution
proceedings."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a
light bulb?

A: none, that's a hardware problem

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Top Ten Signs You Might Not Be Ready To Join The
US Air Force

10. You're afraid of loud noises, heights, and
airplanes

9. For you, the thrill of flight is the little
package of salted nuts

8. In high school, you were voted "queasiest"

7. You don't mind flying once you've had a few
drinks

6. You pass out from G-Forces incurred from riding
an escalator

5. Whenever you see an "eject" lever you
impulsively pull it

4. Show up to the recruiting center carrying a
seatbelt extender

3. Your primary reason for enlisting is "to meet
Iron Man"

2. You giggle every time you say, "cockpit"

1. Out motto, "aim high" -- your motto, "I'm high"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a
sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun
and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender
shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot
my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man,
I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the
following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling
marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots
and leaves."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man went to his lawyer and told him, `My
neighbour owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What
should I do?'

`Do you have any proof he owes you the money?'
asked the lawyer.

`Nope,' replied the man.

`OK, then write him a letter asking him for the
$1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer.

`But it's only $500,' replied the man.

`Precisely. That's what he'll reply and then
you'll have your proof!'

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye
dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and
begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager
runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!"

The blind man replies,
"Just looking around."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is
walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a
bucket.

He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him
for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch
these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come
down to the water and whistle and these lobsters
jump out and I take them for a walk only to return
them at the end of the day."

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it
is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If
you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the
lobsters back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and
show me that they will come out of the water."

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What
lobsters?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication,
was having trouble with her computer. So she
called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the
problem.

As he was walking away, Judy called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face.
"An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need
to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... ;-) "Haven't you ever heard
of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
figure it out."

(She wrote...)I D 1 0 T

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I'm certain there are female hormones in beer.
When I drink too much,

I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
"Wife wanted."

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day
which follows two rainy days.

It's called Monday.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The human cannonball tells the
circus owner he is going to retire.

"But you can't!" protests the boss.
"Where am I going to find another
man of your caliber?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove
into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in
the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to
the truck. He returned a minute later and said,
"Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd
better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office
and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 6 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Why did the Romans build straight roads?

So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the
side of the highway that had ten penguins standing
next to it. The man pulled over and asked the
truck driver if he needed any help.

The truck driver replied, "If you can take these
penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will
be great!"

The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the
back of his car.

Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road
again and decided to check on the penguins. He
showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He
headed back into his truck and started driving
around the town, looking for any sign of the
penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past
a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy
walking out with the ten penguins.

The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You
were supposed to take them to the zoo!"

The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra
money so I took them to go see a movie."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat?

A: When you are a mouse!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

When I lost my rifle,
the Army charged me $85.

That's why in the Navy,
the captain goes down with the ship.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

She was only a whiskey-maker,

but he loved her still.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority.
Here are some actual humorous statements by
airline flight crews:

"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the
sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are
going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and
raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I
can`t imagine."

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your
tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in
their most uncomfortable position."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation,
and in the event of an emergency water landing,
please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight;
if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight
crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on
the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any
person caught smoking in the lavatories will be
asked to leave the plane immediately."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

"If you are so lucky to be traveling with small
children..."

Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert
the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you
don`t know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will
drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag
over your own mouth and nose before assisting
children or adults acting like children."

Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately
none of them are on this flight...!

Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising
altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat
belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
land... it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk
on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are
now walking through the aisles with trash
receptacles for any garbage you might have or
anything else that you might wanna give us!"

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather
all of your belongings. Anything left behind will
be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

On their way to get married, a young Catholic
couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The
couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly
Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into
Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could
they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St.
Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time
anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months
passed and the couple were still waiting. While
waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if
it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in
heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally
returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get
married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just
wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we
also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his
clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me
three months to find a priest up here! Do you have
any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: What's the difference between a horse and
the weather?

A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Justice isn't just blind-it's snickering at these
real courtroom give-and-takes:

Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would
happen to you if you told a lie?

Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.

Judge: Is that all?

Witness: Isn't that enough?

-

Q: Isn't it a fact that you have been running
around with another woman?

A: Yes, it is, but you can't prove it!

-

Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?

A: A fifth of wine?

Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.

-

Q: What did your sister die of?

A: You would have to ask her. I would be
speculating if I told you.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About
two hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in
the door and asks, "How long before I get a
haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop full of customers
and says, "About two hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the
shop and asks, "How long before I can get a
haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop an says, "About
an hour and half."

The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and
says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he
goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop
laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he
left here?"

Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and
he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He
got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he
walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how
deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.

So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a
boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he
spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the
hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he
saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped
up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole.
He listened, but there was no sound.

He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer
came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is
this hole?"

The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It
never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"

The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No."

The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He
was tied to a railroad beam."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had
been any interest in her paintings that were on
display.

"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner
responded. "The good news is that a gentleman
noticed your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death. I told him
it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I hate jokes about German sausages,

They're the wurst.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

After joining the Navy, my husband underwent a
physical. During the exam, it was discovered that,
due to an abnormality, he couldn't fully extend
his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor
conferred with another doctor.

"Let him pass," suggested the second doctor. "I
don't see any problems unless he has to surrender."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building
in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a
man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around
on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net
and urged him to escape from the burning building
by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly
proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who
fears nothing, not even fire."

The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail.
Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same
phrase over and over until the firemen got really
sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the
flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced
he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and
then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled
toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
"Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it
up and took a look at it cause it was prettier
than most.

The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".

I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".

The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't
like German pens?"

I said, "No. I just never learned to write
German."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
about being out late the night before.

The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak
into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're
lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in
bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me
hell for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of
numbers I'd read off was upper or lowercase.

Someone once asked, "Is this the museum?"
I work at a pool.

A few of the things customers have asked for at
our art-supply store include disco balls, trees,
and crucifixion wood.

I'm a butcher. A woman asked if she could sleep in
our freezer to test out a heavy-duty sleeping bag
before a trip to the Himalayas.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

JokeMaster wrote to All <=-

I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of
numbers I'd read off was upper or lowercase.

I've had people refer to the punctuation marks that are entered by hitting shift and the number key as upper case 5 (% sign on a US keyboard)

Wait, am I replying to a bot?


... How would someone else do it?
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
* Origin: realitycheckBBS.org -- information is power. (21:4/122)

On 14 Feb 2021, 10:11a, poindexter FORTRAN said the following...

I've had people refer to the punctuation marks that are entered by
hitting shift and the number key as upper case 5 (% sign on a US
keyboard)

I've never heard of them being referred to as upper case. I've always described them as 'shifted 5' for example...

Wait, am I replying to a bot?

Shhhh. We won't tell. ;)


---

Black Panther(RCS)
aka Dan Richter
Castle Rock BBS
telnet://bbs.castlerockbbs.com
http://www.castlerockbbs.com
http://github.com/DRPanther
The sparrows are flying again...

--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A47 2021/01/14 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're a dumb criminal if ...

... You're not picky about your office location.
Christopher Oxley of Everett, Washington, was
arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone
in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside
the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby
in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's
helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer
look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the
firefighter said with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The fire fighter looked a little closer. The
fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her
dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the fire fighter said, "I don't
want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you
were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I
think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're
probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in
the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to
appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I had just pulled over someone for driving under
the influence when another car pulled up behind
us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back
to see if the driver needed assistance.

"No, I don't need any help," he said, reeking of
booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top
on the roof of my cruiser, he continued,
"I just stopped for the red light."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he
is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office
with his attorney, and when he gets there, he
begins to talk with the IRS agent.

"I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!"

The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an
impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his
glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is
dumbfounded.

The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye.

The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do
this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles,
pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye.

Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I
can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over
the desk, and get it into your wastebasket,
without missing a single drop."

The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more
he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all
over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent
jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over
in the corner moaning.

"Are you all right?" asks the agent.

"No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he
could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about
it!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake
asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"

The other replied, "You're darn right we are!
We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"

To which the first replied, "Because I just bit
my tongue"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of
them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing,
his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out
his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help
you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."

There's a silence, then a gun shot.
The guy gets back on the phone and says
"OK, now what?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

My daughter-in-law was driving on the freeway when
the sight of flashing lights in her rearview
mirror made her pull over.

"Do you know why I stopped you?" asked the state
trooper. "You were going 85 miles per hour."

"Impossible," she argued.
"I had my cruise control set at 82!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our
job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One
job seeker wrote "Sitting."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished
her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Did your wife recover from her operation?

Not yet, she's still talking about it.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man
was astounded by the wide selection of jogging
shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about
it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the
side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call
your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged
too far."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 43 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new
bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his
tricks.

"Look, Mum! No hands!
Look, Mum! No feet!
Waaah!
Look, Mum! No teeth!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury
metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The young lad had applied for a job, and was asked
his full name.

"Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan," he replied.

"How do you spell that?" asked the manager.

"Er ? sir ? er ? can't you just put it down
without spelling it?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A policeman looked up to see a woman racing down
the center of the road at 100 m.p.h.

He pulled her over and said, "Hey, lady, would you
mind telling me why you're going so fast down the
middle of the road?"

"Oh, it's okay, Officer," she replied. "I have a
special license that allows me to drive like
that."

"Oh, yeah?" Let's see it." The cop looked at the
license and then concluded, "Ma'am, there's
nothing special about this. It's just a temporary
license."

"Look at the very bottom, though," the woman
insisted. "See? It says `Tear along the dotted
line.'"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What does the aardvark call his dog?

Aard-bark.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?"

Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older."

Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now."

Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled
from a magician's hat."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Spotted on T-shirts for sale in the Ponce de Leon
Coast Guard Exchange:

"Support Your Local Coast Guard. Get Lost."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A Pennsylvania couple had trouble selling their
home after strange apparitions and sounds forced
them to admit in their ad that it was "slightly
haunted." The Week asked its readers to put a more
positive spin on the sales pitch:

"A home suited for free spirits"

"Mostly not haunted"

"113-year-old Victorian,
still cared for by original owners"

"A place for all your possessions"

"This house has good bones"

"Your kids will make new friends"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

WATER......

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink
1 liter Of water each day, at the end of the year
we would have absorbed more Than 1 kilo of
Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other
words, We are consuming 1 kilo of poop!

However, we do not run that risk when drinking
wine (or rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other
liquors) because alcohol has to go through a
Distillation process of boiling, filtering and
fermenting.

It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t
than to drink water and be full Of sh*t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable
information,

I am doing This as a public service.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Today I found my first grey pubic hair.
I got really excited, but not as much as
the other people in the lift.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An old man was in his golden years, but that
didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger
ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a
very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where
have you been all my life?"

The young lady takes one glance at him and says,
"For the first half of it I wasn't even born yet."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on
the aviation frequencies. This was his first time
approaching a field during the nighttime, and
instead of making any official requests to the
tower, he said, "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and
replied, "Guess where!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the
nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with
one of their planes, and they needed the Coast
Guard to send an aircraft to go find it. I asked
the man where the Navy aircraft had last been
spotted so we would know where to search.

"I can't tell you," the Navy man said.
"That's classified."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Why do dogs always race to the
door when the doorbell rings?
It's hardly ever for them.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An American tourist in London decides to skip his
tour group and explore the city on his own. He
wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally
stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of
stout.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice
neighborhood with big, stately residences...no
pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all
NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those
Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with
high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder
by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir,
you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American,
"but I really, really have to go, and I just can't
find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me".
He leads the American to a back delivery alley to
a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir,
anywhere you like."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most
beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass
lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and
huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect
bloom.

Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves
himself and feels much more comfortable. As he
goes back through the gate, he says to the police
officer, "That was really decent of you... is that
what you call English hospitality?"

"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that
is what we call the French Embassy."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I recently stumbled upon my favorite new sports
team. It's a woman's bowling squad called I Can't
Believe It's Not Gutter.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an
interview with the arresting officer. My first
question: "Did you see the defendant at the
scene?"

"Yes, from a block away," the officer answered.

"Was the area well lit?"

"No. It was pretty dark."

"Then how could you identify the defendant?"
I asked, concerned.

Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered,
"I'd recognize my cousin anywhere."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift
procedure and was explaining it to a prospective
patient. He told her, "I'll install a special
screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will
cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you
need a little tuck, we'll just tighten the screw
a little,... and the wrinkles will disappear!"

The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, "GO
FOR IT!" The surgery was a resounding success, and
the woman went home happy.

A few months later, the woman returned in a great
state of agitation. She pointed to her face and
said, "Just look at these bags under my eyes!
Where the hell did they come from?"

The surgeon looked at her closely and said, "Those
aren't BAGS under your eyes. Those are your
breasts. And if you keep messing around with that
screw,... pretty soon you'll have a goatee!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Boy: "Our principal is so stupid!"

Girl: "Don't you know who I am?"

Boy: "No?"

Girl: "I'm the principals daughter".

Boy: "Do you know who I am?"

Girl: "No."

Boy: "Good." walks away quickly

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q. What did one tornado say to the other?
A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer..."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 14 weeks, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship
landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of
the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The
woman noticed the letters 'U.F.O.' printed on the
side of the ship. She turned to the alien and
asked "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying
Object?"

The alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded
Fuel Only!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers
that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But
it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.

One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the
greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to
make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer
will get this twenty dollars".

All of the kids called out their guesses. One said
"George Washington - because he was the father of
our country."

"That's excellent" said the teacher.

Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed
the slaves."

"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to
bestow an excellent, but still being polite.

One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she
saved France."

Another excellent choice said the teacher.

Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the
teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think
was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"

And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."

The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree
that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess,
the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked
Abraham why he said Jesus.

Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was
the greatest person who ever lived, but...
business is business!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished,
he said that things were all done for him: "I am
placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told
when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?"
he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can
smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from
the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for
the final arrival on the ground?"
he was again asked.

He quickly answered:
"Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes
one whose intended purpose was always a mystery.
It looks like a cross between a metal slotted
spoon and a spatula, so I use it as both. When not
in use, it is prominently displayed in a
decorative ceramic utensil caddy in my kitchen.

The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently
solved when I found one in its original packaging
at a rummage sale.

It's a pooper-scooper.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A police officer jumps into his squad car and
calls the station.

"I have an interesting case here," he says. "A
woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor
she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant.

"No, not yet. The floor's still wet."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove,
the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience
picking lemons?"

"Well," she answers,
"I've been divorced three times."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish
island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily,
there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on
the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he
asks the woman who answers.

She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a
McArdle and a McKay."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 6 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poke'r Face.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a
journalist are covering a political convention in
Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach
during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach,
they stumbled upon a lamp.

As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says
"Normally I would grant you three wishes, but
since there are three of you, I will grant you
each one wish."

The photographer went first. "I would like to
spend the rest of my life living in a huge house
in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie
granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.

The journalist went next. "I would like to spend
the rest of my life living on a huge yacht
cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn.
"And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the
editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is
in about ten hours.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks
on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the
sign said "don't walk".

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered
with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your
hand on my steak?"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on
the floor again?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first
walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette
into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the
counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spat into the
old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over
the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at
the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly
left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
either, he just backed his big-rig over three
motorcycles."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it
took us a while to find a new pilot."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Students are great about sending our troops
letters, and the troops love 'em. You can see why:

"Dear Soldier, If you're having a rough day,
remember the most important thing in life is to be
yourself. Unless you can be Batman."

"Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or
Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers."

"I am so happy you are risking your life for the
USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes
peanuts."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up
there in the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask
him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to
his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and
you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said.

"What do you mean, intelligence?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my
hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with
your fist as hard as you can."

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to
hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and
the ditch digger hit the tree.

The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole.

His friend asked, "What did he say?"

"He said we are down here because of
intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and
said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The Lone Ranger woke to see his
tent blown away by a tornado.
He declared,
"Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida,
vacation package we had booked for him: He was
'expecting an ocean-view hotel room'. I explained
that was not possible, since Orlando is in the
middle of the state. "Don't lie to me," he said.
"I looked on the map, and Florida is a very
thin state."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Just came home from a training session. Two hours
on the treadmill did me really good. If only I
could somehow stop the constant beeping
and the irritated comments of the cashier.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 day, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Did you hear about the juy who invented the knock knock joke?

He won the 'no-bell' prize.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

The second one!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at
the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo
officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the
next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A
twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the
next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do
you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless
somebody locks the gate at night!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the
doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,
"I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll
insert one now, and then I'll give you another one
for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to
insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly,
then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the
suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks,
"Aahhhhh!"

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.

"No... I just realised that the doctor had *both*
his hands on my shoulders!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his
company for embezzlement of many millions. At the
beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly
reassured him: "Don't worry, you'll never go to
jail with that amount of money."

And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to
jail eventually, he didn't have a penny anymore.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
owner asked the vet.

The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll
probably beat her too!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions.
Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K
dates problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I have finished converting all the
months on all the company calendars so that the
year 2000 is ready to go with the following
improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In
addition, I have changed the days of the week, and
they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K?
I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call
them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean
Michael?" she asked.

"No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Wanna hear a joke about paper?

Nevermind, it's tearable.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who'd
injured himself running from a home. He told me
he'd broken in and unhooked the phone before
searching for valuables. But he'd panicked when
he heard a woman's voice. I entered the house and
heard the same voice: "If you'd like to make a
call, please hang up and try your call again."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".

So I installed LINUX.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A student was heading home for the holidays. When
she got to the airline counter, she presented her
ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her
luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to
send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red
suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
that."

"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that
because that's exactly what you did to my luggage
last year!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to
see that the obituary for her recently deceased
husband is published. After the editor informs her
that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word,
she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor
stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all
obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her
fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in
awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling
roar.

"Let's get out of here!" said Sauer.

"Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck.
"But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but
it really doesn't bother me too much. It never
smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact
I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been
here in your office. You didn't know I was passing
gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come
back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she
says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my
passing gas. although still silent, it stinks
terribly."

"Good", the doctor said, "now that we've cleared
up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your
hearing."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Great Book Titles

How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts

Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis

The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw

The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: How many seconds are there in one year?

A: 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd,
August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November
2nd, December 2nd.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 17 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A customer was bothering the waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air
conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he
walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't
throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
with a smile. "We don't even have an air
conditioner."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
That way it sounds better when I say I go to the
Jim first thing every morning.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

My wife left me, went away. At first I was sad,
lonely and didn't know what to do with myself. But
I bought a motorbike, threw a wild, loud party and
got to meet some other women. I think my wife may
not be so pleased when she comes back again from
work.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien
in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls
him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've
got to go back across the border right now."

The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo
Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm
going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll
let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a
sentence".

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words
are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1
sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2
minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went
Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're a dumb criminal if ...

... You love too much. Maybe Stephfon Bennett
should try online dating. After he and two
accomplices allegedly mugged a couple in Columbus,
Ohio, police say he found the woman's ID in her
purse, then showed up at her door with a simple
proposal: How about a date? Since a girl likes to
play hard to get, she called the cops, who
arrested Bennett outside her home.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The person who thought it's a good idea to put the
light switch outside of the bathroom clearly
didn't have any siblings.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Sir you haven't touched your custard.

I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as
a trampoline

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with
the Godfather?

A: An offer you can't understand.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by
train to a conference. At the station, the three
Aussies each buy tickets and watch as the three
Kiwis buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks an Aussie.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Kiwi.

They all board the train. The Aussies take their
respective seats but all three Kiwis cram into a
bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket,
please." The door opens just a crack and a single
arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a
clever idea. So after the conference, the Aussies
decide to copy the Kiwis on the return trip and
save some money (being clever with money,and all
that). When they get to the station, they buy a
single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the Kiwis don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?"
says one perplexed Aussie. Watch and you'll see,"
answers a kiwi.

When they board the train the three Aussies cram
into a bathroom and the three Kiwis cram into
another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the Kiwis leaves his bathroom
and walks over to the bathroom where the Aussies
are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our
first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his
locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in
his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost
my key. I walked into the orderly's room and asked
Sarge if I could borrow his master key.

"Why, certainly, young man," he said, as he
reached under his desk and handed me a large pair
of bolt cutters.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright
in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run
into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

For her summer job, my 18-year-old daughter
arranged interviews at several day-care centers.
At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie
seats, no simple task for most people. The
interview went well, and at the end, the day-care
center director asked the standard question, "Can
you give me one good reason we should hire you?"

"Because I fit in the chairs." She got the job.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in
Illinois?

The first offense they give you Bears tickets and
the second offense they make you use them.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to
write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl
in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a
camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and
were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes
said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice
day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're a dumb criminal if ...

... You can't let go of your friends. Two New
Zealand prisoners had the brilliant idea of
fleeing the courthouse while tethered together by
handcuffs. They might have escaped had a light
pole not gotten between them. Like a pair of
click-clacks, they slammed into each other and
were arrested trying to get back to their feet.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A person went into the office kitchen one morning
and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim
jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her
why she was wearing them rather than old clothes
or an overall. She showed him the instructions on
the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?

Must have been a duck family.

A duck family?

Didn't you say there was a quack in it?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time
to visit an elderly parishioner.

As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of
peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they
continue their conversation, he can't help himself
and eats one after another.

By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is
empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I
seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat
there anyway.

Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the
chocolate off and put them back in the bowl.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called
Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked
a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He
gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he
was walking away, I called after him, "So, what
was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in
case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever
heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
figure it out."

So I wrote out ......

I D 1 0 T

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A worker approaches his employer and holds up his
last pay check. `This is two hundred dollars
short,' he says.

`I know,' says the employer. `But last week I
overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you didn't
say anything.'

`Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an
occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a
habit, I feel I have to call it to your
attention.'

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit
does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City
or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines
to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," the
cheery salesperson replied.

"And what about Salt Lake City?"

"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake-$99,"
she said "But there is a stopover."

"Where?"

"In Denver," she said.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're a dumb criminal if ...

... You don't know when to write off a loss. John
Opperman-Green robbed a Kissimmee, Florida,
7-Eleven, then called the cops to complain when he
tried to hitch a ride with strangers, who, in
turn, robbed him.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The Spanish explorers went 'round the world in
a galleon.

How many galleons did they get to the mile?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night,
I came home and my autobiography had been written.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What did the Tin Man say when
he got run over by a steamroller?

"Curses! Foil again!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle
drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no
reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the
elephant's tail, really hard.

Years and years later, the same elephant, now
grown up, is by the same river, having a drink
with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up
to the river.

The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle
as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into
the jungle.

"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail
for no reason," the elephant replied.

"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the
giraffe.

"Yep!" said the elephant."I've got Turtle-Recall."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What is hail?

Hard boiled rain!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in
a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However,
if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly
swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen
again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the
Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says,
"I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the
world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the
mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman
alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and
stands before the mirror and says, "I think..."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're sending me something via fax?
What is it, an important document from 1993?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Rev up your engines and tell the crabgrass to look
out. The 12th annual Mow Down, Show Down Lawn
Mower Championship was held in Avon Park, Florida,
bringing out the best and fastest in lawn-mower
racing. It also brought out some colorful names.

Entrants included: Weedy Gonzales, Blading
Saddles, Turfinator, Sodzilla and Mr. Mowjangles.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?

A: You don't. You get down from a goose.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Why don't anteaters get sick?

Because they are full of antibodies!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one
night he's doing a show in a small club in a small
town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's
going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a
blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair
and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that
way? What does the color of a person's hair have
to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in the community and from
reaching our full potential as a person, because
you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against, not only blondes, but
women in general... and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to
apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of
this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on
your knee!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a
painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden
of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm,"
muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're
naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are
French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out,
"they have only an apple to eat, and they're being
told this is paradise. They are Russian."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Man to his wife: "Do you know what our 6 year old
son wants to be once he's big?"

Wife: "No."

Man: "A garbage man. And you know why?"

Wife: "No, why?"

Man: "Because he thinks they only work on
Tuesdays."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked
the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-
dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took
the Only seat remaining.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have
that seat?"The French woman just sniffed and said
to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.
My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the
only seat left was Under that dog."Please, ma'am.
May I sit down? I'm very tired."She snorted, "Not
only are you Americans rude, you are also
arrogant!"

The next time the Marine didn't say a word; he
just picked up the little Dog, tossed it out the
train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor!
Put this American In his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for
doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the
wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong
side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have
thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're a dumb criminal if ...

... You skimp on travel expenses. Twelve Middle
Eastern immigrants forgot the first rule of
sneaking into a country: Don't call attention to
yourself. En route to England from Germany, they
snuck a ride in the back of a man's truck. They
stayed mum throughout their trip, even as they
crossed the Channel into England. But once they
hit Dover, they celebrated their arrival with
songs and whoops. Not for long, though. The
startled driver headed to a police station, where
the 12 were apprehended.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

I haven't cleaned up in a while. I've got a messy
house - a milk carton with a picture of the
Lindbergh baby on it.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's
mind as it hits your windshield?
A: Its butt.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Sometimes I think war is God's way
of teaching us geography.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

When were King Arthur's armies too tired to fight?

When they had lots of sleepless knights.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a
helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his
wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I
ride in one of them helicopters?"

His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too
expensive."

The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot
hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
"Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you
can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to
pay $50." says the pilot.

The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot
takes off and does awesome tricks with the
helicopter. The couple never made a sound.

The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow,
impressive, usually people make so much noise on
these rides."

The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise
when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these
rides are too expensive."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A woman called the Colorado State Division of
Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can
you tell me what kind it is?" she asked.

"Can you describe it?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

How many gorillas can fit into a car?

Eight.

How many chickens can fit into the car?

None, the car is already full of gorillas.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A magician was driving down the road...
then he turned into a driveway.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A blonde from California decides to try horseback
riding, even though she has had no lessons or
prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted
and the horse immediately springs into motion. It
gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to
throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
slides down the side of the horse anyway. The
horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its
slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail
grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and
throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in
the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground over and over. As her head is
battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune

the Supermarket manager sees her
and shuts the horse off.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the
window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong
mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat
next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick,
but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if
he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb
over him, and so the little guy is sitting there,
looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to
do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an
uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the
little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he
pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five
minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down,
and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy,
"are you feeling better now?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

They say you can never judge a book by its cover.
But it's the only way to judge a tribute band.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court

"How many times have you committed suicide?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

"Was it you or your brother who was killed?"

"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you
did next."

"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"

"Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

You're a dumb criminal if ...

... You believe flattery will get you anywhere.
Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out-he
could be a cop without having to take the boring
test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas,
after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck,
outfitted with flashing lights. He even had an ID
badge, which he'd made by blacking out a
restaurant gift card and etching in the word
"POLICE." However, he'd kept the restaurant's
logo, a jalapeno pepper surrounded by the words
"Chipotle Mexican Grill."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and
a Southern zoo?

In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal
and the Latin name underneath.

In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal
and a recipe underneath.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
my job included ordering supplies. One of the
engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
regulations, I asked him why he needed it.

I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
"My current edition defines spaceship as an
`imaginary aircraft.'"

He got his new dictionary.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided
to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-
door lock wasn't going to stop anyone,
so I hung this sign outside:

"Nancy, don't come in. The snake is loose. Mom."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A student seeking a job at our university was
handed an application. He dutifully filled out his
name and address. When it came to the entry
"length of residence," he wrote:
"Approximately 30 feet."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance
policy. The insurance agent was going down the
list of standard questions. "Ever have an
accident?"

"Nope, nary a one."

"None? You've never had any accidents."

"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."

"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a
snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
accident?"

"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear
casual clothes so they won't be identified as
clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and
soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde
in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she
says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they're
clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer
shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The
next day, they return to the beach. The same
fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini,
passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good
morning, Fathers."

"Just a minute, young lady," says one of the
priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how
in the world did you know?"

"Don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn from
the convent."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?

Old King Coal

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The military has a long, proud tradition of
pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from
rallypoint.com:

Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for
left-handed spatulas

Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in
search of fallopian tubes

Had a new guy conduct a "boom test" on a howitzer
by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to
"calibrate" it

Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can
of dehydrated water
(in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)